A day of life with one eye

Yesterday morning was thinking about the fact that most don’t know (or don’t remember) that I only have vision in one eye.  My eye works perfectly.  It’s the optic nerve that takes the image to our brains that doesn’t work.  In late 2004 it became enflamed and I lost my vision.  It was this one symptom that led to my MS diagnosis.  Most people with Optic Neuritis get their vision back within a few weeks of having Optic Neuritis  (I think the stat is 90%).  I am one of the lucky few. 

You might be thinking… oh that’s terrible.  OR you might be thinking that’s so bad.  Most of us don’t realize until something happens like this… that each eye has a specific function.  And so, losing vision in one eye affects daily life more than you might think.  The dominant eye scans (as when reading or looking for something) while the non-dominant eye is a place keeper and bounces around (to help you keep you place in the right line of a page while reading).  Now imagine losing your dominant eye.  What are the implications?  You can no longer read outloud because while your brain can interpret things while bouncing around, your mouth cannot.  You can no longer effective look for things.  As a mom of 40 with a 3 year old and 18 month old, this was crucial.  I was terrified of taking my kids to the mall play center.  At church (3500 people) if I lost them I’d panic and have 3-4 adults helping me look for them.  Can you imagine looking for a fast moving 18 month old with an eye that bounces around instead of scans?  Exactly! 

Over the years, I’ve adjusted and re-learned how to read outloud (it takes great concentration), learned how to make sure all details are correct (another tricky thing with a bouncing around eye), and I’ve learned how to look for things.  Although, that last one is hard.  It takes my entire concentration when looking for a physical object if it’s not in the place I expected.  Don’t talk to me… I might snap at you.  I really can’t even listen to you.

When I started running it was also terrifying… I could hear people coming up from behind.. but suddenly (as it seems when you have no peripheral vision) when they were RIGHT THERE.  I would startle.  A few months later, my husband started running and I would have him always running my right side so that stopped happening.  I’m back to square one though since he now runs much faster than I do.

At our church the main open area isn’t brightly lit.  As a result, I have not seen people (because my seeing eye has an astigmatism which requires a lot of light to see clearly) and they have taken offense accused me (to others) of ignoring them.  Sadly, one in particular took it seriously enough that it let to other things and she is no longer a friend.  Other times, I have walked into the support pole because my head was slight turned to the left.

It’s been a journey – and one that makes just about everything in life a little or a lot harder.  You won’t hear me complain… so you probably haven’t noticed this vision lost and it’s impact on me or you’ve forgotten.  For me it’s just a part of daily life.  I can still enjoy beautiful scenery (but not 3D movies) and music.  I can still read my Bible and run and take care of the house.  It just takes a little more work and creativity.  And someday I will see clearly again.

This picture is Winter 2005 - about 4 months after Optic Neuritis struck